A Story of Two Girlies and A Boy

For the first week of our boy's life, I wasn't sure when the right time would be for Ry and Kennel to meet their brother. I didn't want them to freak out with all the beeping, tubes and wires. To top it off, they would each have to wear a mask, gown, and gloves. I knew Rylin was old enough to understand, but I wasn't sure about Kendall. Honestly, at first, I wasn't sure how to show him to them. What would I say if he got so sick and didn't make it? Would it be easier for them to see him after he was better? Or take the risk when he was still sick? When everything started to change and we knew for sure our time with Eli on earth with us wasn't ending anytime soon, we decided to take the girls to meet their baby brother.

Eli was ten days old when he met his sisters.

All four of us made a trip to the hospital to see him one last time before we drove home for a few days. Dustin was with Eli while the girls and I were getting some lunch. After we had full tummies, I decided to take the plunge. I got them all gowned up and with only a little fight from Kennel, we made our way to Eli's cubicle. Rylin wasn't even nervous. She walked right up to the incubator and wanted to touch Eli. So we opened the door and she pet his little head and arm. Kendall even tried once, before trying to tear off her mask :) Kendall loved to look at him. She would stare at him with the cutest little smirk. Almost like she was thinking about all the mischief they would get into together. We snapped our first family photo and I took the girls back out to the waiting room. After a while, Rylin was asking to go back in. I gowned her up and one of the nurses walked her back to Dustin, who was then holding Eli. She sat back there for almost an hour with her daddy and brother, just watching and touching Eli's head.

The girlies only visited one more time before Eli came home. It was on June 10th. I was getting all ready to drive them to Boise so they could make their way to Utah to stay with my family for the rest of the month. My heart was breaking. I was sending two of my babies 20 hours away from us, so I could help their brother grow big and eventually come home. I was staying with Uncle Lee and Aunt Carrie for a few days, they only lived 40 minutes away from the hospital. Aunt Carrie (life-saver!!)  was helping me with the girls while Dustin was back home at work. I was able to spend a few days at the NICU by myself. The day before I was set to drive the girls to Boise, I decided they needed to see their brother once more before they left. I wrote a little letter to Eli that day:

"Today I was brave and brought Rylin and Kendall to see you. Kendall sat in a chair in the corner of your cubicle eating candy, while Rylin held you with me. They are so excited to be your big sisters, they tell everyone about you. Before we put you back in your incubator, Ry snuck a little smooch on the side of your head. It is a BIG secret that we had to keep from the nurses."

Luckily, Nicole (another one of our favorite nurses) looked away while Ry gave Eli a smooch. At first I told Ry she couldn't give him a kiss (GERMS!) and her eyes filled up with tears. So I told her to sneak it.  When I think about these few times in the hospital with the girlies and the boy, I realize we set the foundation for their relationship. They have been in love with their brother since before he was born, the love grew when they met him, and again when they visited him. I'm sure everyone knows how much I am obsessed with Eli, but the funny thing is, many days I realize the girls are just as much enamored with him (if not more) than Dustin and I.

Holding Him

On the Thursday when Eli was one week old, I went to rounds with the doctors and nurses. A new Neonatologist was in there with us. Which also brought a new pair of eyes. After doing the usual updates on the status of Eli,  he looked at me and asked if I had held my baby yet. Honestly, I hadn't even thought about it. It seemed so far out of reach because he was so sick, the thought just never really crossed my mind. He was a little shocked when I told him that no, I had not held my baby yet. He looked at the nurses and made a goal for me to hold Eli before we left him again on Sunday. I was a little nervous instantly. I told them all that I didn't need to hold Eli, I didn't want to do anything to make him uncomfortable. The team assured me it would do nothing but good for the baby. So I tried to not get too excited, in case plans changed. So, Friday came. Eli was 8 days old when I held him. It was a night I will never forget. Dustin and I were staying in a room on the eighth floor of the hospital. We were told in preparation for holding him, we had to commit to at least two hours in one spot next to the incubator in a pleather recliner. We got to his bed side around 9:30pm. The best way to hold a new baby, especially one weighing 2 pounds, is called skin on skin, or kangaroo care. Basically the baby wears nothing but a diaper and lays on the bare chest of mom or dad. I (of course because I am mom:)) got first dibs. Eli's night girlfriend, Lacey, was on shift that night and took care of everything. I snuggled into the pleather recliner. Lacey opened the incubator and started to arrange his tubes. The nurses there are so amazing with these little teeny babies. It was so comforting to see her pick him up. She was so comfortable holding him, treating him like he was a full term newborn, with a little more caution for his tubes and breakable body. Before I knew it, he was on my chest. Instantly his respiratory rate calmed and he relaxed. Lacey taped his breathing tube, feeding tube, and IV to my shoulder, and also to the chair in one or two more places, just to make sure they didn't get pulled out. She laid a few warm blankets on him and me and left us. Dustin and I could not stop smiling. I realized that all the fear I had began to melt away. He was our baby. I was sure I would bawl the first time I held him, but I was grinning ear to ear.  I could barely feel his weight on my torso. His head was about the size of a baseball and it fit just below my collarbone. His scrawny little body down to his toes reached a few inches above my belly button. I could feel him breathing. I could see his furry back and face. He looked up at me when I talked.

my eyes are crazy, but it is the only one with him
looking up at me the first time I held him :)

He must have liked his time being held, because the next night I walked in to see a used kit from the respiratory therapists. At first my heart jumped because I thought something was wrong. Then I realized I could see more of his face because he was breathing with just a CPAP, he was no longer intubated! Two days later, the girls got to meet him for the first time. Dustin also held him. When he did, Eli was swaddled. Like a big boy. Our baby, who was just over a week old and gestationally 31 weeks was doing things that seemed so normal for a full term baby. Things that I would have never imagined. This was just the beginning.