Dear Lady Who is 30 Weeks Pregnant

I want you to know that when you told me you were 30 weeks pregnant, it scared me. Bringing back all the feelings I had when I was 30 weeks along, and never made it any further. Hearing that made my brain flood with memories of the scariest time of my life thus far. Have I said it was scary? It was scary.

I want you to know a few things about the babe growing inside you. It is a special baby who chose you as an incubator until it is ready to join this world. Right now your baby is growing, sleeping, and even practicing to breath. I want you to know that 30 weeks is a huge milestone for your baby's developement. If born today, he might be able to breath on his own in a few weeks.

I want you to know that he will have ten toes and ten perfect fingers all including perfect miniature fingernails. He will have more hair than you would have thought. He will have really big eyes, that he will only peek open when the lights are dim. He will have a translucent layer of skin covering his bones with no fat for padding. He will like his hands up by his face, and his boney legs will be thrown over the blankets surrounding his little body. Just relaxing, hanging out, like being on a lazy boy recliner.

I want you to know that he knows the sound of your voice and his siblings voices. He will respond to your touch but will think that you are tickling him, so you will have to hold your hand still. He will always calm down when his daddy lays a hand on his tummy, covering his whole stomach. His grandparents won't be able to touch him and it will drive them crazy, but just being able to see him alive and healthy for the time being will make them feel a little better.

I want you to know that you might feel unattached to him at first. He will look like your baby and feel like your baby. He will be everything you expect and nothing you ever imagined. He will begin to feel more like your own and you will become so attached to him, your heart will flutter when you think about him. At first it will be hard to see the teeny tiny clothes he will someday fit. It will be hard to see the nice cards the sweet nurses made for you with his picture on them. It will be hard to see all the pictures of him on the internet and to read all the nice things people are saying to help comfort you and your family.

I want you to know that people will be praying for him. People you have known your whole life will be praying. People that you have not seen since you graduated high school will be praying. People that you have only met a few times will be praying. People who you have never met will be praying. He will have an impact on the lives of people around you. People will want to visit him, to see him while he is on the earth because only time will tell how long he will be here.

I want you to know that he will struggle. He might get sick and leave nothing for the doctors to help him with, but he will be strong and will prove he can do it all on his own time. The same way he did when he chose to be born on that scary day, when you were only 30 weeks along.

Just thought I would let you know,
Ciera

Dear Ry

I want you to know you are a spunky 5 year old now, all 30 pounds of you. You like to cross your legs when you sit, and keep your face and hands clean all the time. You love to have curly hair like Taylor Swift (also sing her songs with your kukukulele), and paint your fingernails a million different colors. Every thing about you is dainty, petite, and perfect. I wouldn't have it any other way.


I want you to know that there is a reason you are our first child. There is a reason you were chosen to be the older sister. You may not always be the biggest or loudest but you will always be the leader and the example.


I want you to know that you have the sweetest heart, You care so much for others, you try to keep everyone happy. I have even seen you cry when another kid cries. You are very compassionate. You know what I need from you. Your hugs and smooches are cherished. You have a funny sense of humor, you love to mimic facial expressions that you learn from your cousins and you think your daddy's made-up songs are even better than the original. You love to sing and just taught yourself how to whistle. For as long as I can remember, you have had the best giggle, it is contagious! You are learning to say funny jokes, knock knock jokes, usually ending with something about a banana!  You love to play the "I love you more" game, always winning when you mention you love us one million.


I want you to know that you are one smart girl! You have the capability to catch on to things quickly. You are very observant, noticing things that most don't. You notice specific colors, and when something has been put in the wrong spot, and always the color of my eyeshadow. You also remember crazy things. You ask me questions about things that happened a long time ago, most I don't even remember and don't know the answer to and somehow you always end up helping me answer your own question!


I want you to know that you were our 4 pound, 9 ounce perfectly healthy baby girl. It isn’t everyday a 4 lb 9oz baby is perfectly fine with no complications, you were. So here we are.  A little family with perfect little kids. Little babies that were and are gifts from God. He helped you come to us. He gave us the opportunity to raise you and show you right from wrong. Because we used our faith and the priesthood, he guided your spirits to your little teeny bodies. He kept you safe up until then…and we have been trying ever since. 


Love,
Mom

Dear Eli

I want you to know how special your life has been. You are now over 3 months old. You are 7 pounds 5 ounces and keep getting bigger. You like to be held, and get a lot of tummy aches which keep both of us up at night. It makes me feel bad there is nothing I can do for you, but secretly I enjoy the extra cuddle time. You love to roll over. We try to put you on your tummy but you instantly roll to your back. Last week you rolled from your back to your stomach for the first time which scared daddy because you were laying on the couch! You are starting to smile more on purpose. Ry and Tennell absolutely adore you, they cant keep their hands off of you!

I want you to know that on the day you were born, we were prepared to give you a priesthood blessing that same day. To give you a name to be known by in the history books of our family and church. Eventually, Daddy and I felt comfort with the thought of actually waiting until you came home instead. We knew you would come home as a healthy baby boy and we would save the name and blessing for a special day when you could be surrounded by family and friends. On August 7, 2011, your daddy was joined by Grandpas, Great Grandpas, Uncles, and Great Uncles as they surrounded you with the priesthood and blessed you with incredible things from our Heavenly Father. We are so thankful for that day. Thankful for the comfort we felt while still in the hospital after you were born, so thankful we saved your blessing for a day when you could be surrounded by so many friends and family who, 3 months before, were praying for you to live. 

I want you to know that many people prayed for your safe arrival, prayed for you while you were sick, prayed for you to grow, and still pray for you now that you are home. I know that it is because of all these prayers, that you are with us. I cannot even begin to list the names of all those who have told me about the prayers they say for you. They, too, know how special you are.

I want you to know how you have changed me. You showed me how to be close to our heavenly father. The day before you were born, you showed me the voice of the spirit. I have never been able to listen to the still small voice like I did beginning that day. It became louder in the weeks following your birth, and has now started to quiet down. I miss being so close with the spirit, but I know it can return loudly when I need it the most. 

I want you to know that I love your daddy. That I have felt even closer to him than before your birth. He is my best friend. He keeps me strong. He was the voice of reason that day. It was his idea to save your baby blessing for when you came home. He was and is the strongest man I know. I hope you can grow to be exactly like him, a worthy priesthood holder, a hard working husband, a leader in the church, a playful and involved father, and much more.

I want you to know that your sisters pray for you. That they will always care for you. They will always be there for you. There will come a time where you will be a protector for them as they have been for you, because that is what a brother is for. They will need you forever, we all need each other forever. I want you to know that you are a lucky boy. Your grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and great grandparents adore you. 

Most of all, your sisters, daddy and I love you. I hope you will always know that. I hope you know you are with us for a reason, and you get to stay with us for eternity, guaranteed. 

Love,

Mom


(originally written 8/11/11)