About When I Fell in Love

***I wrote this out in 2008 and wanted to repost it with our big 8th anniversary coming up in a few days, and it being 11 years since our first memorial day "late night" I talk about in the story. It still makes me laugh***

I remember being in high school (an innocent 16 year old girl) day dreaming about my prince. I am sure that a day didn't go by when Kaisa (BFFL) and I had thoughts of some dream guy picking us up and spinning us around in slow motion like in a fairy tale. We used to always talk about how magical it would be to find that special someone.

On Memorial Day weekend of my Junior year when I was 17, I met someone. He was the first "Mormon" boy I had ever been able to find anything in common with. He was extremely handsome too (doesn't hurt). That Saturday night we were watching TV sitting on the couch together. He got up to go to the bathroom and I (never without a plan, and believe me, mine and Kaisa's plans ALWAYS worked) strategically layed down where he was sitting so he had no choice but to sit Extra CLOSE to me. We actually stayed up ALL night just talking, seriously that is all we did...well maybe while we were talking we were sitting even extra closer.

He seemed to fit my checklist perfectly, the one that every young woman is encouraged to make. This was probably because up until then I had never made that checklist. The night that I got home after meeting him, my checklist was made and he mysteriously fit every one! I promise you though, even though I may have been thinking of him while I made it, I honestly could not find one thing missing or not up to par with what I wanted. SO that was it, I was smitten. Him, not so much until a couple months later. So the story goes on.

That summer my parents moved to Utah, much to my dismay. My parents were awesome and I was blessed to be able to move in with Kaisa in September and finish my senior year at my same High School. This was only a couple hours away from my prince who happened to be Kaisa's cousin. I spent the summer in Utah with my family and made tons of great memories. Between visits from family a lot of friends came to visit as well. Meanwhile, prince charming was back in Washington. I got a few short phone calls/one-liner emails like "I am really busy" and cool stuff like that. Needless to say, I felt like I was at the bottom of his list.

So the end of August rolled around and I made my way back to Washington to move in with said BFF. The first weekend back, guess who showed up? Yep, the prince himself. I guess he had some strategic planning skills too. He also showed up the next weekend, and for some reason he decided to kiss me. Hmm. I was ok with this.

After many weekend trips with him coming to see me and me going to see him, the reality of our relationship came to life when he recieved his mission call to Mexico. After only a few short months of dating, he was to leave in February. The next couples months seemed to fly by, with even fewer weekend trips possible because of the holidays. I was set to graduate from High School in the end of January and he was leaving for TWO years.

The last weekend we spent together, he was set apart as a missionary. We drove to Puyallup to a baby blessing (2 hours), sat through church (3 hours), luncheon afterwards (a couple more hours), all of this and we can't even hold hands! We had our "electrifying handshake" as Grandma Barrett calls it and went our separate ways. So, I finished high school in late January and moved to Utah. He reported to the Missionary Training Center the next week.

My parents and brothers met him for the first time when he was in the MTC. Another strategic plan. They seemed to approve and I continued to wait for my prince to swing me around in slow motion.

After about 18 months of Dustin being in Mexico, I dated some other "princes", but they were always meant for another princess. Assuring me that my prince had been found a few years back, I just had to wait for him to return, and he did.

In February of 2004 he came back to save me. I flew in from Utah for the first weekend he was home. It was like a dream...had it really been 2 years? It seemed like he was here the whole time. It was like we never were apart. After yet another short weekend trip (added to the list from 2 years before), I flew home for 2 weeks and couldn't stand it so I bought another plane ticket to Seattle. This was the last time, I had to find out what our relationship was going to be. This man who was supposed to be my prince wouldn't talk about the "M" word AT ALL. Leading me to believe he didn't want to marry me, although I knew he loved me. He told me.

That short weekend in March finally came. On Saturday morning he wanted to take me on a hike, but had to fill the truck up with gas first and wouldn't let me join him. He came back and we went on our hike. He had packed a romantic picnic, cheese and crackers and sparkling cider. I still thought nothing because last I heard, the "m" word was a bad one. Next thing I know, he started asking what I wanted in the future. I wanted to marry the man I love, I wanted to be with him forever and be forever happy and have a forever family. He got on one knee and made me stand up. Pulled out a little jewelry box (I seriously was prepping myself to get a set of earrings or something) and said he wanted to spend forever with me, and I with him. So there was a ring on my finger (picked up while getting gas I guess) a prettier one than I had ever imagined, and he swung me around in slow motion. A strategic plan? Oh yes, he had one.

We were married in May of 2004 and for the first time EVER, we spent more than 4 days together. My prince and me.

As I was listening to Taylor Swifts new song Love Story, I couldn't help but have flashbacks of the longing to have a prince like in the song. It used to be all I could think about, now it is all that I have and I wouldn't want it any other way. I can only imagine the strategic plans that lie in our future. I do know one plan for sure, I will have a forever husband, with a forever family, and be forever happy.

Dear Mom

I thought about you today. I thought about you when Kendall woke me up this morning and I was startled when she tapped my arm. I thought about you when I got out of bed and got her breakfast. I looked in the sink at my dirty dishes from the day before and wished I was more like you. I thought how you always do the dishes before you go to bed every night, even the hand-washables. I think about you a lot, you know. I think about you when I sew. When I make a mistake and have to unstitch a whole seam by hand because my brain wasn't working right. I think about you when I lose my balance and almost trip over my own feet. I think about you at church when Rylin lays her head on my lap and I rub her back. I think about you when I come home after church and want to have a pepsi with my egg sandwich. Then again when I wish my egg sandwich was on home made wheat bread. I think about you when I hear you in my voice and when I talk to my sister. When I see Kendall's brown eye's and bucks I think of you. I think about you when I see my reflection. When people tell me how much I look like you, I beam with pride because you are so pretty. 

I just wanted to let you know how much you mean to me.

I think about you a lot. 

Happy Mother's Day,

Love you Mam

Dear Sir Bubba Pants

You did it! You are 1! To celebrate turning one, you decided to get pneumonia. That's right. On Monday, you had a super runny nose. On Tuesday you started hacking up a lung. Wednesday morning, you spiked a fever I took you to the doctor, on Thursday to find out that not only did you have a pretty sweet case of pneumonia, you got an overnight stay in the hospital. It was so much fun. After the nurses got your IV started in the crook of your arm, the IV pump decided to beep every 15 minutes until a nurse came to reset it. For the whole entire time you were hooked up. Even all night. It was awesome. I may have silenced the alarms a time or two. A student nurse may have came in and asked me how I did it. You slept good that night for the first time all week. They had started fluids and also an antibiotic. I tried to enjoy your warm body sleeping on me since you are so busy these days.

My snuggle times with you these day are few and far between. You only let me rock you to sleep maybe once a week. On the other nights you like to tornado out of my arms and off my lap, earning you a trip to your bed so you can chew and suck on your star blanket until you pass out on your own. You learned to army crawl just last week. It is fun watching you. You are such a determined little boy. You see what you want across the room and scoot your way over to it as fast as you can. Before you knew how to scoot, you would roll to your destination. Even turning the right direction for your rolling skills to get you to the correct end point. I have a bunch of pictures of you getting stuck under things. You still get stuck under a lot even with the army crawl. The only difference now is you can usually get yourself out of it! Ry and Kennel love to "lead" you places. They hold a toy that you like (usually my flip flop) in front of your face and slowly walk away from you. You, of course, follow. You love to clap, high five, and attack our cheeks with slobbery kisses. You have 2 teeth and you like to bite now too. You weighed a whopping 14 pounds at your appointment when you were sick last week. I think it's a little low since you hadn't eaten in 2 days by that time. So we have a plan for you to eat daddy's protein smoothies to get you back on track!

You like to eat some "real" food now. You like to shove so many cheerios in your mouth, you end up choking. As you choke, you are shoving more into your mouth. You like ice-cream (of course), love yogurt every morning, little pieces of my donuts, mac and cheese, and you can drink through a straw. You don't love to chew. You still try to swallow everything whole, hence the choking on cheerios. Maybe you will be our fast eater?! You love all kinds of crackers and drinking bottles especially in the middle of the night. After you have your middle of the night bottle, you pass out and I like to hold you a little extra.

I want you to know that you can accomplish anything you put your mind to. You are so determined. I want you to remember that you are a fighter. You fought for this life and you don't want to skip a beat. I want you to know that you will catch up. You have only been scooting for a week and already yesterday decided to get up on your knees a few times. I want you to know that we celebrated your birthday by walking. Grandpa and Grandma Soptich, Aunt Sar, Uncle Kyle, Aunt Manda and Ellie, Miss Holly, Joanna and Roy, and your sisters and dad and I walked 3 miles with you. We did this for a lot of reasons. One is to  raise money to help babies that are born too early. I want you to know that it was the perfect way to close a roller coaster year. I want you to know you are strong. I want you to remember what it feels like to be close to your Heavenly Father. I want you to remember you will always have his strength behind you. I want you to know that we celebrate you everyday. You are our favorite brother, our powerful son, and our greatest story to tell. I want you to know that you will change people. You have been changing lives since the day you came into this world. We love you, Eli. Happy 1st Birthday.

Seeing Him

When Dustin and his dad got to the hospital, they went to the registration desk. After asking where they could find me, they were told I was just getting out of surgery. You can imagine the surprise he felt, only last hearing from me when I was in the ambulance and I told him about the traffic from the dumped over milk truck. He just found out that not only was his wife in surgery, but his son was already in the NICU (Neonatal Intensive Care Unit). They made their way to see Eli for the first time and were amazed at what they saw. He was 996 grams (2 pounds, 3 ounces) and about 14 inches long. Dustin said there were tubes everywhere, and he was definitely concerned. The best part of this story is about Eli's nurse. To give you a little background info, my husband works hard for a living. By that I mean, his hands are stained with dirt and rough with calluses. His pants look like he has been rolling in the mud, even after they have been washed multiple times. That being said, after scrubbing up at the sink by the entrance to the NICU, he was clean but maybe, just maybe, Eli's very first nurse (Heidi) thought Dustin was too dirty and reminded him to wash up nice and good before even thinking about "touching your baby". After surveying the situation, a son and his father seeing their miniature posterity for the first time, they made their way back to my room and were told I would be back shortly. From what I hear, I was a mess when I returned to the room. I had been on large doses of magnesium, and now a ton of painkillers, add that on top of recovering from the anesthesia from surgery...I was a hot mess! I had to stay on the mag for another 24 hours which would make it hard to go see our baby. 

After a good nights rest in the hospital room (yeah right!) I felt up to making a trip to the NICU. I tried to get out of bed as soon as the magnesium was stopped, but almost passed out. The nurses decided they could wheel the bed down to see Eli. Although it is a huge blur in my brain, I will never forget the trip. We started down the hallway through a few sets of heavy closed doors and turned around what seemed like 50 corners. We made our way through the doors to the NICU and Dustin signed me in. We stopped at the big metal sink so Dustin could scrub up and make sure he was extra clean. I still have no idea how that hospital bed fit down the hallway to Eli's room. I didn't know much about where he was staying, I'm not gonna lie, it was far from fancy and not what I had expected. The bed crashed through the doorway to room 3. There was barely room to fit the head of the bed next to Eli's incubator. I don't really remember my first glimpse of him. He looked like a real baby surprising me with all his hair. He didn't move much and neither did I. I just stared at him, not believing he was ours. I was groggy and pretty out of it so we went back to my room, the bed banging empty incubators and oxygen cans along the way. I don't think I saw him again until either late that night or the next day. I do remember I needed to take a shower. I needed to get up and was beginning to grasp the motivation to do so. Later that night I decided it was time to get up and walk. After gaining my balance and putting on my fancy hospital socks, I did laps around the maternity ward. I think my nurse wanted me to stop but I kept saying I needed to do one more and I needed to take a shower!

Throughout the weekend We made multiple visits to see Elijah. Saturday morning, May 7th, we went to our first morning "rounds". Rounds are a meeting in which the Neonatologist, the Nurse Practitioners, the Residents, the Attendees, and Eli's nurse for the day, all meet to come up with a game plan for each baby in the NICU for the day. Problems with the baby, how to help, what tests to do, and so on. The news for Eli wasn't the best. He had started to turn a dusky grayish blue, he was swelling up and retaining fluid, his heart was enlarged, they needed to check for a brain bleed, and his kidneys and intestines weren't working. Maneesh (the Neonatologist) was so great at explaining this all to us and we left rounds hopeful, but worried. Eli was sick, and they were running tests to find out why. Maneesh told us that so far all the tests they had done came back showing nothing. There was no reason for Eli to be so sick. He hypothesized that Eli had taken such a huge hit on his health right before he was born and that was what he was trying to recover from. In the meanwhile, they kept doing tests incase they missed anything.

On Sunday, I was discharged from the hospital. After going back and forth in my brain about what to do when we got discharged, I decided it was right for me to be home with my family. I couldn't drive, I didn't have a room at the hospital, and our girls needed me. I needed to go home and organize my brain, our new life, and heal before we could plan how to conquer the next 10 weeks with a sick baby in a hospital 2 hours away from our house. So, on Sunday night, we left our 4 day old 996 gram sick baby in the hospital and drove 100 miles away from him.